fail on a thursday.

so, i know that yesterday, i wrote 'be kind to yourself,' but today i am already finding it a little hard.  because today is one of those days where everyone is pregnant.  [at least it seems that way to me.]

i started the day out at my dad's house, where i am staying and caring for my brother while he recoups from surgery and my dad is out of town [it's a long story].   i had to run some errands this morning.  i ran to foodie's to grab some lunch + dinner stuff, and i swear to you i ran in to four pregnant woman.  two in the market, two outside.  and they weren't even all together, they were all doing their own thing.  and of course two baby strollers. 

after, i ran to pick up some coffees for us and pulled into the perfect open parking meter in front of the coffee shop.  and saw this. 

right?  as if i didn't already feel like too much of a failure.  it's hard to see pregnancy everywhere, as i get ready to visit our fertility specialist with pi for the first time tomorrow morning. 

this is all to say nothing of the multiple pregnancy announcements [at LEAST two this week] and births [one] happening on my facebook feed.  and, of course, i am so over-the-moon thrilled for these new mommies and soon-to-be-mommies.  i just wish i was one of them.

sigh.

these days, it seems like even when i put on the tv for some laughs, i can't escape whatever is in the water.  even parks + rec, one of the least romantic-y shows out there i think, had a pregnancy cliffhanger in the season finale. 

i know i am just overly sensitive right now, and i think most of it is due to nerves about tomorrow.  as we meet with our specialist for the first time, we'll mostly just go over medical history stuff.  what we've been through, infertility in our families, things like that [you know, super-fun topics of conversation].  but it's all necessary and will be the means to a hopefully positive end.  i just don't really know what we should expect to hear from our new doctor, our treatment path, what kinds of testing we should brace for. 

but luckily today i can keep it off my mind a little for the rest of the day - i have a brother who is much needing my help, and the office finale on tonight.  honestly, i should say i am irrationally sad about the office ending!  pi first introduced me to the office when we were leaving prague.  he used my laptop to download a few episodes to put on his ipod for the plane ride home.  when i came back after christmas, i watched the few he had downloaded - the first one was gay witch hunt.  i was instantly addicted, and from thousands of miles away we would watch episodes and laugh about them.  i've watched that show as i got engaged, then married and tried to conceive, just as a lot of the characters on the show have.  yeah, i know it's stupid.  but it's like the end of an era, almost like an era of our relationship [me + pi], that is ending. 
 
maybe an era is ending, as we embark on this new adventure with our specialist tomorrow.  we'll hear his opinion and see what happens...

before i go i want to say i am still hard at work on changes to the blog!  i can't wait to roll out my changes, hopefully by june 1st. 

til next time - be happy :)