bummer of a rainy day.

because it's 9am, i'm drinking coffee, eating a coffee roll + watching what to expect when you're expecting.  no, i'm not reading it.  i'm watching the cameron diaz movie.  [it's ok if you're judging me, i kind of am.]

the thing is, i've been poked with more things today than most people on any given day.  my morning started with the first round of blood tests for hormonal evaluations, which was a fasting blood test.  no food or anything to drink except water since last night until after the blood work.  oh, and after that little poke + five vials of blood comes the real poke... vaginal ultrasounds to count follicles and check out my lining.  fun stuff before you've had your coffee.

if i'm being honest, i kind of hate this sometimes.  i hate treating my body like it's a lab of some sort, with levels to be tested and photographic evidence to be obtained.  but this is our road, so we are going to go down it and see what happens.  and these are the things we do to have babies.  i just wish it were a little easier sometimes. 

braving the dunkin line at 8:30am outside of boston... it's a danger zone.

treats for being good at the doctor!

that was a coffee roll.  yum.

there are some days i have that i wonder why we are doing this.  days like today, when it's pouring rain and cold, and i'm in the shower at 6am to go have my blood taken and be prodded beyond belief. 

but then i remember a similarly cold and damp day in montreal a little over three months ago.  the nervous excitement when we bought the pregnancy test.  hands trembling when i held it, even though i knew what the results were going to be.  running back over to the bed, trying to slip back in before PI noticed i was gone.  the best hug in my life that i got when i told him what i did.  the daydreams we made up, all day, as we walked around montreal.

and toasting, PI with canadian beer and me with my nalgene full of water, before going to the hockey game. 

and i know, in my deepest heart of hearts, that i would fast every night and have my blood taken out every day, my uterus poked every morning if it meant that one of these days, we will get to actually hold our own little baby.

til next time...