fail on a thursday.

so, i know that yesterday, i wrote 'be kind to yourself,' but today i am already finding it a little hard.  because today is one of those days where everyone is pregnant.  [at least it seems that way to me.]

i started the day out at my dad's house, where i am staying and caring for my brother while he recoups from surgery and my dad is out of town [it's a long story].   i had to run some errands this morning.  i ran to foodie's to grab some lunch + dinner stuff, and i swear to you i ran in to four pregnant woman.  two in the market, two outside.  and they weren't even all together, they were all doing their own thing.  and of course two baby strollers. 

after, i ran to pick up some coffees for us and pulled into the perfect open parking meter in front of the coffee shop.  and saw this. 

right?  as if i didn't already feel like too much of a failure.  it's hard to see pregnancy everywhere, as i get ready to visit our fertility specialist with pi for the first time tomorrow morning. 

this is all to say nothing of the multiple pregnancy announcements [at LEAST two this week] and births [one] happening on my facebook feed.  and, of course, i am so over-the-moon thrilled for these new mommies and soon-to-be-mommies.  i just wish i was one of them.

sigh.

these days, it seems like even when i put on the tv for some laughs, i can't escape whatever is in the water.  even parks + rec, one of the least romantic-y shows out there i think, had a pregnancy cliffhanger in the season finale. 

i know i am just overly sensitive right now, and i think most of it is due to nerves about tomorrow.  as we meet with our specialist for the first time, we'll mostly just go over medical history stuff.  what we've been through, infertility in our families, things like that [you know, super-fun topics of conversation].  but it's all necessary and will be the means to a hopefully positive end.  i just don't really know what we should expect to hear from our new doctor, our treatment path, what kinds of testing we should brace for. 

but luckily today i can keep it off my mind a little for the rest of the day - i have a brother who is much needing my help, and the office finale on tonight.  honestly, i should say i am irrationally sad about the office ending!  pi first introduced me to the office when we were leaving prague.  he used my laptop to download a few episodes to put on his ipod for the plane ride home.  when i came back after christmas, i watched the few he had downloaded - the first one was gay witch hunt.  i was instantly addicted, and from thousands of miles away we would watch episodes and laugh about them.  i've watched that show as i got engaged, then married and tried to conceive, just as a lot of the characters on the show have.  yeah, i know it's stupid.  but it's like the end of an era, almost like an era of our relationship [me + pi], that is ending. 
 
maybe an era is ending, as we embark on this new adventure with our specialist tomorrow.  we'll hear his opinion and see what happens...

before i go i want to say i am still hard at work on changes to the blog!  i can't wait to roll out my changes, hopefully by june 1st. 

til next time - be happy :)

thoughts on momma's day.

it's mother's day, which means that everyone in the world is professing their love and appreciation for the mothers in their life.  sure, lots of people may gripe and say it's an invented holiday to sell cards and flowers, but who cares?  there's nothing wrong with taking a day to honor all the moms around us.  mothers can be very under-appreciated people in my opinion.  but i think that i have more mothers than most people in their life.  every has a mother, but not everyone has a step-mother, or a mother-in-law, or a step-mother-in-law, or a godmother they consider their second mother.  but i have all five, of course.  what a lucky lady i am :] 

i have a parade of inspirational women around me in different mothering roles.  from my mom, who has given me the greatest example in the world of unconditional love and acceptance, who flies out to visit me when i am sad during the middle of the week [ok, it was just once, but still it was pretty epically amazing of her], who laughs and cries with me constantly.  she's my best girlfriend in the world.  i was given my godmother, who has always been so amazing as to love me as her own, and steps in as my mom when my own mom is far away, and who i have more in common with i realize as i grow older.  i always appreciate my step-mother, who never jumped right in to a marriage that came with two adult kids, and has been a wonderful influence and role model for me.  and if that wasn't enough, i was blessed with a mother-in-law who has always accepted me, from the first time we met over shots of absinthe, and who has always has a listening ear for me and is one of the most fun and understanding women i know.  i was also lucky enough to get a step-mother-in-law, who isn't afraid to share her advice with me when i need it most and has shown me how to be a wonderful hostess.

and, of course, i have some pretty amazing new mothers to be around.  i am always so amazed at how they have all figured things out and make it all look so easy. 

 

 now, i don't want to put a downer on mother's day, but today [as almost any day] makes me think of the babies we've lost.  we've had two miscarriages since last mother's day, and i can't help but think a little bit of what this mother's day would be like if we hadn't had those experiences.  mother's day can be hard for those of us who have recently lost pregnancies, and those who are having a very difficult time on their road to motherhood.  but remember - we can all get there.  the roads we all take may be different, but we can all get to the same place... motherhood.

now go hug a mom [or eight] in your life and be thankful for all these strong, inspirational women! 

til next time...

an eye to the past in NYC.

back again, unpacking and re-packing for tomorrow.  we got in from nyc last night, spent a cozy night in our own bed, and we leave bright and early tomorrow for denver.  it's our first trip back since the move back in december, so we are super excited to spend some time with friends, family, and doing some upkeep on our house while we are in town.

nyc was, as always, wonderful.  i love spending time with my family more than just about anything else.  i love walking into my nanny's house to see it unchanged - not just since the last time i visited, but for as long as i can remember.  it's a safe, familiar feeling. 

my family is complicated, as most families are.  it hasn't always been that way, but a lot of things have changed in the last few years that have made things shift in new ways.  and it's comforting to me, no matter how much my family dynamics change, to run up into this apartment and barge in without knocking, smelling the same smells from my nanny and eating the same unchanged spaghetti recipe since i was born.  it warms my heart and soothes my soul when i need it. 

here are a few of my nostalgic pictures...

nanny's kitchen - this corner has been the same since i was in a high chair

hung up in the dining room for as long as i can remember

my nanny herself - an absolute saint

my godmother and i in her new apartment in the village

my friday in the city with PI

and a few other weekend pictures. 

puppy in a boutique

walking the highline on saturday

view from the highline

tea shop in chelsea market

eighth avenue street festival

of all the craziness of the weekend, the strangest to me was running into an old friend that i knew in prague in the middle of lunch on saturday.  we were at separate tables on the patio and i instantly recognized him.  really makes you think how small the world can be sometimes - a guy i studied abroad with in prague and i eating at the same restaurant in the village, enjoying the sunshine.

i gotta run - dinner planned with dad tonight before we head off in the morning. 

til next time...!

no words.

i was planning on blogging this morning about our epically wonderful trip to dc over the weekend.  but then life happened.

it's funny to me that the last time i posted on this blog was about the wolfpack - because today, as PI & i ran through back bay looking for my brother, i was thinking about the wolfpack the whole time.  mostly, about my brother.

my brother was at a bar at the finish line, and PI & i were planning to meet him after lunch.  we had just finished lunch when we heard what happened just a few blocks from us.  i immediately began calling my brother.  but since phone lines were jammed, nothing was getting through.  i told PI to get his shoes, because we were going to look for aj.

so we grabbed our keys and cell phones and ran out the door.  we ran up massachusetts avenue, against the waves of people pouring out of back bay.  some people were yelling, crying, holding on to one another.  some were laughing with their friends, seemingly unaffected.  some just walked silently out of the evacuated area. 

but i was in a panic.  my phone was vibrating in my pocket moment after moment, with warnings from my dad and step-mom [who works at the boston globe] that more explosive devices were found, to get out of back bay, starting group texts to get my brother to answer.  texts starting coming in from family and friends, asking if we were ok, to respond back as soon as we could.  but until i heard from my brother, i felt nothing else.  i posted a frantic message on facebook for my brother to find us since we couldn't use our phones.  and so on we walked, as ambulances raced past us, and police cars zoomed in either direction, lights flashing and sirens blaring.  sirens were blaring everywhere.

within half an hour or so, my phone rang and it was aj.  as soon as i answered we were disconnected - but minutes after a text came in from my dad that he had heard from aj, that he had been evacuated but was fine. 

we walked back to our apartment in a daze, gripping hands.  we went upstairs, grabbed a few essentials, and walked to my dad's loft in southie to be with family and get further away from back bay.  it was there we heard about the fire in the jfk library, and at the time people were saying they were related.  we sat around, hugging, watching the news, and having a few stiff drinks.

it was a scary day, and a tough reminder that everything can change in just one moment.  one moment PI & i are arguing about going out day drinking, the next minute we are searching for my brother after a bomb detonated a block away from where he was.  

boston is a reliant city, and people here are tough.  i'm seeing people pulling together by getting to hospitals to donate blood and offer their home up for stranded runners to stay.  but many of the people affected by this tragedy aren't from boston, and people come from all over the world to participate and watch the race.  my thoughts and prayers are with all of the wounded, physically and emotionally, and first responders and volunteers.

we are home safe now, though the sounds of sirens are still drifting into our open bedroom window.  it's terrifying to me that something like this can happen literally blocks from our house.

thank you so much to everyone who reached out to us today via social media or on the phone to make sure we are ok.  it means a lot to me.

til next time...
be safe and take care of one another.

w o l f p a c k .

girlfriends are the best.  but there's nothing better than a wolfpack.

my wolfpack is me [of course], PI & AJ.  the two best guys in the world.  we do all kinds of stupid things together, and we always make it fun.  once, we were stuck in the lobby of a hotel in the middle of nowhere for five hours.  while we were hungover.  and we had a blast. 

since PI & i have moved to boston, we have had loads of time to spend with AJ.  and it's pretty much been the best.  we have lunch together at the same place every week. they are my favorite people to hang out with.  they are the guys i can be myself around with no judgment, the two guys who know me better than anyone else in the world.  and although i haven't met any girlfriends out here in boston just yet, i definitely have found my wolfpack. 

and i am about to spend eight hours on a train to dc with them tomorrow.

i hope you have a wolfpack too : ]

today is pretty cool.

reasons why i am loving today, in photos.

1.  coffee with this guy, one of my favorite people/uncles.

my uncle joseph, famous actor : ]

talented actor and brilliant founder of the playhouse creatures theater company. 

2.  it's nearly 70 outside in boston + things are blooming.  spring is here.

little buds + a yellow door.

i see pink!

3.  a  much needed HAIRCUT.  

the inspiration

more inspiration

side note - yes, i am totally obsessed with rashida jones.  who isn't?

the finished product, salon styled.

not too shabby.  it needs some color though.  courtesy of liquid salon in the south end.

4.  home baked sweets [by me, but still].

cinnamon roll cupcakes

with coffee icing

yup.  delicious.  recipe via bakingdom.

5.  normal chromosomes.
ok, no pictures for normal chromosomes.  but we heard from our doctor today and our test results from the miscarriage are back - and both PI & i have totally normal chromosomes, which is good.  nothing there that could have caused the miscarriages.  i was so surprised when PI told me there was nothing i thought he meant the doctor said nothing, and i just stood there stunned.  i've just been thinking something would come back.  but it's a good thing that there wasn't, so now we can move forward with other testing.

so, all in all, not a bad day : ]

til tomorrow...

lately around these parts...

actually, i haven't even been around these parts.  i've been in vegas, yo!  i feel like you all are thinking, 'ok, she said she's going to blog more often, then the blog is blank for a week. wtf?'  but there were no computers on my vacation, and i kind of loved it. 

we traveled to las vegas to celebrate pi's uncle's wedding.  it was a huge family reunion of sorts, with all of us holed up in a spanish mansion off the strip, cooking and swimming and laughing.  it was wonderful. 

playing pass the baby!

enjoying the patio and barbeque

easter eggs!

saturday on the strip

the venetian

our little gondolier

the happy couple who hosted us!

cocktail hour on our formal night for the celebration.

auntie nat with baby james. she has a way with those babies :)

our nephew little man easter egg hunting!

CANNONBALL!

who could not LOVE that little face?

lounging by the pool on easter sunday

uncle philip & little man - buds for the weekend.

OH. MY. GOD.

we were so blessed to be able to still go on our vacation.  something came up and we weren't sure if we'd be able to travel, but we lucked out.  and it turned out that a little bit of sunshine went a very loooooong way for us.  i'm one of those lucky few with amazing in-laws, and the trip was such a welcome break for us from the gloom and dreariness of boston lately. 

luckily we've come back to some sunshine - so we should be able to get out more!  i'm so excited to start exploring boston more, and the sunshine should make that easier. 

hope YOUR weekend was as fantastic as mine, and your family is equally awesome. 

til next time...!

wedding inpsiration.

so, i am now an unofficial wedding planner.  since my mom is getting married at the end of the year and i am not working full time, i am taking on the tasks of planning the nuptials as the maid of honor.  i am so excited [pinterest wasn't around when i got married] and starting to make an idea board, so we can plan just the right event.

here is a little of what we have so far.  the inspiration is largely coming from the time of year of the wedding - fall - and also from my mom's bedroom redo.  she is in the process of remodeling her bedroom, which used to be a rich plum color and very dark, to be light and airy.  it's been repainted white, with little chandeliers dotting the room and light linens everywhere.  very airy and romantic!

simple flowers, simple jar.

perfect for grown up couples!

simple and classy cake.

jar and fireflies invite.

very woodsy - and small.

candle and wood, very rustic.

it's all in the details.

i never planned a wedding before - including my own!  we had wedding planners, so i am very honored to be able to do this for my mom.  it's kind of the opposite of what most mothers & daughters go through i guess :)

happy thursday!