letting go.

yesterday was a rough, bittersweet kind of day.

not only was it 9/11, which i know brings back nightmarish memories for people all across the globe. i know it does for me. but i buried a friend yesterday.  watching his family mourn was heartbreaking, and i know their grief is beyond words.  the service was very nice and we had the opportunity to sit and listen to his family, siblings get up and share their memories of him, which was kind of wonderful, while we all tried to grapple with the conclusion that this was really happening.  he was 26.

but as in many horrible situations, there was a glimmer of happiness.  there is a happiness, for me, in seeing so many of my classmates.  some people i didn't recognize, some people who looked just like i  remember them, which i loved.  it was so awesome to hear how well some people are doing and where their life path has taken them.

for me, high school was another life.  a lifetime ago which included many people who aren't involved in my life today.  but as i was surrounded by people that i spent an important portion of my life with, i was undoubtedly reminded of the fact that these people will never really not be a part of my life.   

i wasn't a big fan of growing up in a small town.  everyone knew eveyone's business and you couldn't go anywhere at all without seeing someone that you knew.  all i wanted to do was get out and leave the people and place behind.  and i went very far indeed, going as far as eastern europe to try to find the truth of my life.  and after years away, when my life path took me back home along with my husband, i didn't have any plans on integrating my past life with my new awesome one.  but just a few week in to being home, a good friend from high school died (yes, another one, this was 3 years ago), and i was thrust back into my high school world.  to put it lightly and briefly, i didn't handle it well.  and this time, i was actually able to enjoy my high school friends company and look back with a smile, somewhat, on my high school life.

but as i slide back from my past life into my current one, i can't help but wonder: how do we integrate  our past lives into our present one?

all these people - an old best friend i've grown apart from, a high school sweetheart, an older friend who got me through my first two years of high school, a boy who i spent a brief amount of time with but who dared to share his soul... while they may not have big parts in my life now, they will always have places in my heart.  and i am finally at a place where i can look back with a smile, and let go of past angers and heartbreaks. 

they don't all fit in to my life now, no.  but they are part of who i am, and many of them helped shape the person that i became, and i carry that with me always. 

just in time for my 10 year high school reunion.