the good ol' days.

unless you live under a rock, you know that the office ended forever on thursday.  it was my all time favorite tv show for sure, and like many other fans i really felt like i had a bond with the show.  so i delayed watching the finale for a few days, thinking that if i didn't watch it live on thursday then it wouldn't really end, at least not for me.  but yesterday was the day that i finally said goodbye.

i could sit here and write about my thoughts on the finale almost all day, but i know no one would want to read that.  in the last six minutes of the show, the characters gave their last interviews of the 'documentary.'  it was touching, heartwarming, and super sad.  but there was perhaps the line that struck me as a person more than anything else, thanks to the wisdom of andy bernard:

"i wish there was a way to know you are in the good ol' days before you've left them."  

i sobbed for a second and kicked my husband's leg on the couch.  we have had this discussion many, many times i feel like.  it's hard to have that level of awareness to know that you are experiencing a moment that will forever be important to you.  and i'm not talking about big ones, like the birth of a baby or marrying your love.  i mean the little things.

for me, it's the time i spent back in prague.  the day philip and i ditched class and spent the day walking through the city, and we bought loose-leaf tea and walked back to my apartment to drink it and talk.  it's the day that my two best friends and i took a plane, a bus and a train to meet our three best guy friends in venice, and we walked down the middle of the street with our giant backpacking bags to our hostel, which was actually a b&b super far out of the city.  it's the time we threw a party to say goodbye to our friend j's last newport cigarette, because that was all he smoked and you couldn't buy them in prague, and his supply from home was gone. 

i can honestly say that i think i have that gift, thanks to my deep-rooted penchant for nostalgia [to a fault sometimes].  the last time our whole crew had dinner before our last night bar-hopping, i had to excuse myself from the table, and parked it on the curb outside the restaurant to cry.  i knew that the upcoming goodbye with people who i felt knew me best would be one of the most difficult things i'd ever have to do.  i knew what was coming and what i had experienced in the past few months, and i even knew that what i would see in the coming months in prague wouldn't be as perfect.

PI and i discuss this because where i have that ability almost too soon, before the goodbyes even come, his is delayed.  very delayed.  it wasn't until seven months later that he finally was hit with the fact that we will never go to those same places with those same people, that it would never be the same.

photo from my good ol' days, with my bestest crew, rome 2006.

but andy's words were just perfect.  and they speak to the tendency of people to look ahead to the future and to back to the past with rose-colored glasses, rather than enjoying what they have at that moment. 

after i heard andy's thoughts and sobbed a little more, more poignancy came.  the last words of the show, again, seemed to speak to me, especially together with what andy had admitted.  pam had the honor of ending the show with:

"there's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. isn't that kind of the point?"

as my girlfriend W put it, those words need to be framed on the wall of everyone's home.  as a reminder to live in the present, to admire the beauty of mundane moments.  because it's there, if you look hard enough.

to hear andy + pam's words for yourself and catch the last few minutes of the office, check out hulu.  and grab a box of tissues.

til next time...

denver update.

well, it's day three of our week-plus visit to colorado.  it's been a very fun-filled few days, but yesterday was notable for one big reason.

we went back to our house for the first time since we moved out of it and our tenants moved in.

it was a very strange experience to walk into our [old] home that we spent so much time painting, decorating, fixing [and even buying!] and seeing someone else has made it their own.  i definitely miss the house.  there are so memories behind every corner... the paint party we had when we first ditched the yellow downstairs, painting the hallway upstairs while i was home after our first miscarriage, the hundreds of headaches we dealt with remodeling the upstairs bathroom, and that's just work we've done.  all the dinners and friends we've hosted, our annual christmas parties. 

it was our first house.  and i've said it before and i'll say it again, but most of the time pi and i feel like we could live anywhere.  even now, as we've walked the streets of lodo and hit some of our favorite spots, we've said we miss it. but really, i miss our house.  if we could just pick it up and take it along with us to massachusetts, to california, to wherever we decide to move to, it would be pretty much the best.  although a lot of times we thought about it as our starter house, our five-year-plan house, there was a part of me that seriously thought we'd keep it forever.  it was big enough, with four bedrooms and two bathrooms and a huge backyard and room to expand.  but no matter how much i love that house, i can't move it anywhere else with us, unfortunately.  it stays here, without us. 

moving day, december 2012

the rest of the trip has really been wonderful.  with all of the time i have, ive gotten the chance to just hang out with friends.  no rush, no cramming visits into every moment of the day, lots of time to relax... just what we wanted here. 

til next time...

REAL life, unedited.

a great reminder for today.

guys, i read this today and i LOVED it.  it's on instagram's envy effect.  oh wait, here's yet another link to it.  because.  it.  kicks.  ass.

if you aren't going to read it, here's a little summation.  it's about the snippets of lives that we see on the internet.  and about what we edit out of our status updates, what's just out of the corner of that square crop on your photo.  it's incomplete.  they are moments that are highs, which is why we want to share them.

but what about all the other moments?  the photo may be of the great outfit you picked out today, but what about the days you don't get out of your sweatpants?  niequst [the author] also points out the happy couples that don't share their fighting, or the great meal you made but not the mess to be cleaned up. 

again, these are the moments to be shared.  no one wants to see your dirty dishes.  no one wants to see you in sweatpants [i mean this mostly to myself, as a reminder].  the things you want to share with other people - and strangers in some cases - are the highlights of your life, of the things you do.

but the result?  it's that everyone lives perfect lives without those tense, awkward, heartbroken moments.  that spouses don't fight, that chicken doesn't get burnt, that you don't have bad hair days.  it's just not realistic.  and part of the point of increased networking is to be there for one another, is it not?  to share in times of joy and triumph, but also help one another when things aren't going their way. 

there are days that this social-media-filter really effects me.  days when i would get a negative pregnancy test yet again, and hop online to see four more girls who went to my high school were pregnant.  days when i would feel so fat, being unable to get my skinny jeans to make me look skinny thanks to my fat bulge, but would see a girlfriend in a bikini with her perfect flat belly.  days when i would be feeling a little lazy, just lounging around with the tv, and would see a facebook friend out in front of the coliseum.  it makes you feel bad.  people have topped documenting their struggles, and the result is facebook news feeds and pinterest home pages and instagram shares filled with just successes.  and if you are down, it's easy to be knocked further down looking at what everyone else has and you don't.

i know i am guilty sometimes.  i look at it as sharing my high points, the things people will be interested in.  and fights i may have with pi, well, those are personal.  but i try to branch out, too.  i recently started sharing about our infertility issues, i blogged about the outrageous stress of going back to school while working and volunteering.  and i want to continue to blog about the challenges i face, as well as the high points i have.  i don't think i'm as bad as some [helloooo, i instagramed a pic of my busted-up knee last week], but i could make some improvements too.  i want to be real with everyone.  i want them to know the highlights as well as, sometimes, the low points.  

i'm making some changes to my blog, and one of the changes i want to make is to be more forthcoming.  to share with you all a bit more of me [yes, there IS more], and to be real.  to share my struggles so i can connect with people and help participate in a community; one in which we share our high highs, but our low lows as well.

post something REAL today.  put it out there, on some social media platform you use.  step out from behind the veil of perceived perfection.  it doesn't have to be a secret, just something real - piles of laundry, or the pizza you ordered in for dinner because you didn't cook a martha-stewart-style meal.  it will be refreshing, i promise.

here's my SOMETHING REAL today:
my blood results from last week reveal that i am still pregnant, according to my hcg levels.  pretty disappointing.  should all be done by now, but it isn't.   so i have to go get by blood taken yet again at the end of the week.  and let me be a little bit more real by telling you that i don't do well with needles in my veins.  i've puked half of the times my blood has been taken since this pregnancy disaster began.  so i don't know where this leaves us or what will happen after i get my blood results at the end of the week, but it's disappointing.  and i wasn't going to share it because... i don't really know.  i just wasn't.





til next time...

sinking in.

today, while the reality of what happened yesterday sinks in, we are trying to get back to normal.

for us, that meant sleeping in a little later than usual to help our bodies relax.  but we woke up to continued sirens and helicopters hovering overhead.  then i remembered what happened yesterday afternoon, blocks from our home, wasn't a nightmare after all.

we ran out to the market for groceries so we could stay in and cook tonight, but this is what the route to the market looks like today for us.

commonwealth ave

the park in the middle of the street, overflowing with cameras and news vans

it's usually such a beautiful sight, especially in the spring.

i also had to go get blood work done to check that my hcg levels are back at zero from the miscarriage, but this is what it looks like outside of brigham & women's hospital.

one of many reporters, with more news vans in the background

i was hoping my brother would come over for dinner, but with the national guard standing outside T entrances with guns, it's a little hard to take public transportation when you don't have to today. 

what would have been a gorgeous spring day here in boston was just a bit off.  people seemed to be walking around in a daze, and all anyone can ask anyone else is if they knew anyone injured or affected.  the man who took my blood noticed our address and immediately struck up conversation about the bombings, the gentleman who delivered our package let me know that so far all of the residents of our building are accounted for and alive.   

but tonight i am having cocktails with PI and making tikka masala, and we'll put on sunday's episode of mad men.  i feel shaken up, but eager to get back to normal around here.  though i realize that is going to be quite a while...

hope everyone out there is doing well, and staying strong.

home is where you make it.

home print found on pinterest, buy it on etsy here!

PI + i have a problem.  whenever we go somewhere - anywhere, really - i'll tug on his hand, or he'll wrap his arm around my shoulders and hold me close, and one of us will say, 'we should live here.' 

it's true.  when we lived in denver, we would fantasize about living in boston.  when we lived in boston [the first time] we fantasized about living in brooklyn.  and once we were in brooklyn, we reminisced about living in denver and decided to move back.  and now that we are back in boston again?  well, we have been tempted by the sunshine, ocean breeze, perpetual spring weather [and of course our nephew ryder's kisses don't hurt either] of california. 

no, we aren't moving.  but we are learning to love our wanderlust instincts, moving around from place to place, not totally being tied down to any one city.  it's freeing, really.  as hard as it was for me to leave our beautiful home in denver, the longer we are away from it, the easier it becomes.  yes, it was our home.  but now, my home is a lovely 150+ year old loft in the south end of america's oldest city.  it doesn't feel so foreign anymore, like we are living in a hotel room or someone else's house with our stuff in it.  we are becoming more versatile, and i am starting to feel just as home in our loft as i did in our house. 

there is something liberating knowing that we can move at the end of the year if we want to.  that doesn't mean we will, or that we even will want to - maybe we will fall so deeply in love with boston that we won't ever want to go anywhere else.  but may we will be ready for a new adventure, and we are so lucky that PI's new job will let that happen for us. 

something interesting about PI + i is that we have family everywhere.  so we always miss people, no matter where we live, we won't be near all our family.  which means we have to kind of pick and choose, decide who we can live near and how it will allow us to travel to the other members of our family.  but with all the changes we have gone through, i am loving the idea of MORE.  i hate the packing and moving part of moving, but love the exploring new cities, making new friends, and enjoying my new home with my husband every time. 

who knows where our home will be together a year from today.  it might be somewhere new, and i can't wait to find out. 

on that note, we are headed back to boston today on the red eye... excited to sleep in my own bed and be bombarded with snow once more [ok, not so excited about that second one, but it's happening whether i am excited about it or not]. 

til next time...!

on being cute.

you know what, it's tough to be a girl, to be a woman sometimes.  i was thinking about this a few weeks ago, flipping through the february issue of glamour, featuring zooey deschanel.  she had this little gem to say:

'i'm just for being myself.  there is not an ounce of me that believes any of the crap that they say. we cant be feminine and be feminists and be successful?  i want to be a fucking feminist and wear a fucking peter pan collar.  so fucking what?'

i read this quote from ms. deschanel over a month ago, and i've been thinking a lot about it ever since.  it wasn't until i watched the oscars last night that i really felt motivated to write about this topic yet again: body image.

her quote, to me, epitomizes a struggle i have felt for a long time.  i have always had my own style that i like and that i feel secure in.  but the one time i had a very hard time looking like myself was when i was shopping for a wedding dress.  see, i had decided years before what dress i would wear.  i was maybe in high school or early in my college years, and i was flipping through lucky magazine, and i just saw it.  i wasn't even dating at the time, but i tore the page out and kept it.  so as soon as philip + i set a date for the wedding, the first thing my mom and i did was try on my melissa sweet wedding gown.  when i put it on, i felt like myself.  i looked like myself - not like someone trying to play dress up.  i instantly knew it was the dress.

my dress!

but i struggled for months before finally deciding to buy it.  why?  because everyone told me that i looked so 'cute' or 'adorable' or 'sweet' when i put it on.  i was never beautiful, or glamorous, or sexy.  i wanted, just for one day, to look beautiful.  but the truth was, that just wasn't me.  over time, i accepted that and bought the dress i wanted.  and on my wedding day, i felt like i looked like myself, and my dress fit my personality and our wedding just perfectly.

me in the dress.

however, the issue of cute v. sexy is something i still come back to quite a bit.  i am 28 now, and i am not beautiful, i'm cute.  and you know what?  i'm finally, 100% ok with that.  in fact, i LOVE it.  but in our society, in our american culture, you still have to have the perfect figure to be called beautiful.  remember that lovely girl zooey i was quoting above?  well, a certain word has been coined to describe her - adorkable.  which i absolutely detest, more than anything.  when she walks the red carpet, why isn't she described as gorgeous?  can't a woman be sexy or beautiful even if she isn't willing to be slutty?  no.  she buttons it up and puts on glasses for time to time - which earns her some weird hybrid word between dork and adorable.  pathetic.  and mind you, she's a tiny thing.  but she's secure with who she is, and i love that about her.

work that buttoned up collar, girl!

the truth is, to me, i wish most other celebrities could be more like her or these beautiful ladies below.  i wish everyone could be secure enough to just be themselves and stop trying so hard.  trying so hard to fit into this box that has been created for women, and stop cutting down other women who don't fit inside that box.  it's unhealthy. 

so, on that note, i'd like to share a few other of my girl heroes, besides the fab ms. deschanel.  

adele

'i don't like going to the gym.  i like eating fine foods and drinking nice wine.  even if i had a really good figure, i don't think i'd get my tits and ass out for no one.  i've seen people where it rules their lives, you know, who want to be thinner or have bigger boobs, and how it wears them down.  and i just don't want that in my life.' 

'i like looking nice, but i always put comfort over fashion.  i don't find thin girls attractive; be happy and healthy.  i've never had a problem with the way i look.  i'd rather have lunch with my friends than go to a gym.' 

'no matter what you look like, i think the key is to be happy with yourself.' 

queen latifah

'i had to grow to love my body.  i did not have a good self-image at first. finally it occurred to me, i'm either going to love me or hate me. and i chose to love myself. then everything kind of sprung from there. things that i thought weren't attractive became sexy.  confidence makes you sexy.' 

maya rudolph

'for me, i feel beautiful when i'm just resting.  i think that's when you really get a chance to sink into your own skin.'   

'i don't look my best when i wake up.  but, i do feel beautiful when i'm tired and happy and i've had a good laugh and a glass of champagne.'

gabourey sidibe

'people always ask me, ‘you have so much confidence. where did that come from?’ it came from me. one day i decided that i was beautiful, and so i carried out my life as if i was a beautiful girl … it doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives you. what matters is what you see. your body is your temple, it’s your home, and you must decorate it.'

amy poehler

'when you feel really  crappy about your body or how you look, sometimes a good way to help yourself out of it is to have some gratitude.  if you can go around your body and kind of thank it for what it gives you and thank yourself for your great eyesight, or your think hair, or your nice legs, or your strong teeth or whatever it is that you have that you were given.'

tina fey

'now every girl is expected to have caucasian blue eyes, full spanish lips., a classic vutton nose, hairless asian skin with a california tan, a jamaican dance hall ass, long swedish legs, small japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of michelle obama, and doll tits.' 

'don't worry about trying to change  opinions.  do your think and don't care if they like it.'

mindy kaling

'since i'm not model-skinny, but also not super-fat and fabulously owning my hugeness, i fall into that nebulous 'normal american woman size' that legions of fashion stylists detest.  for the record, i'm a size 8 (this week, anyway).  many stylists hate that size because , i think, to them, i lack the self-discipline to be an aesthetic, or the sassy, confidence to be a total fatty hedonist.  they're like 'pick a lane.'

[stepping off of soap box].  on that note, i want to say that yes, some women are naturally slender or like being fit, which is wonderful.  i think everyone should be at a healthy place, inside and out.  to me, it's about being happy and healthy however you look. 

hope this is a good way to start your monday long with looking at the best red-carpet looks from last night [which i will also be doing too].

i guess the sun of california really is doing me some good :)

til next time!

a quiet day's thoughts on prague.

it's been a quiet day around here.

i've been thinking a lot about my life back in prague... not sure why or how that was set off, but it's been on my mind all day.

i don't think i've ever really talked about my time in prague on my blog so far.  i'm not going to go into it all now, except to say that it was definitely the best and most influential year of my life.  while i was there, and when i came back, i was doing a lot of writing.  

in my first life, i wanted to be a writer.  writing has always been a strength and passion of mine, and for a long time i believed that i could make a life out of it.  after taking some time off of college and doing some serious soul-searching, i realized that wasn't necessarily true.  i still do love writing, but things have really changed since my freshman year of college, when i thought i could be hired on by some magazine to be a staff writer.  and that doesn't really matter all too much, a lot of things changed in my life to put me where i am now, and i'm glad those things happened because it helped me make sure that i graduated from college.  

but now i find myself, once again, wondering what comes next.  out here in boston i have the opportunity to choose my path, start a career if i want.  but i find myself one more thinking about my writing.  i'm not totally sure at this point if it is something worth going back to or not, but what i do know is that i would be upset with myself if i didn't at least try. 

so, what that means is that i am going to try to take a look at my writing again before i get on the job hunt.  i say 'writing' like that because i am hesitant to classify it as anything in particular: too young to be a memoir, and embellished here and there to be fiction, while other parts are verbatim non-fiction.

but whatever it is, i am planning on digging it out of my past and injecting some new life into it, before deciding if it needs to into a permanent dumpster. 

that's what is going on here, today, on a quiet and cold boston day.

view over the vltava river, august 2006 [taken by yours truly]

welcome to massachusetts

well, we finally made it to massachusetts.

we live here now.

but we are up in the most adorable town you've never heard of - great barrington.  we are holed up in a little farmhouse for christmas, watching movies, catching up, drinking and laughing.

this is the best pic i could get as we blew past the NY border into MA

here's a few quick pics to catch you up on the last few weeks since i've blogged:

my sister anne came out from tennessee for graduation

I GRADUATED.       :)

my parents threw a brunch for me at my fave restaurant after graduation

we threw our annual christmas party/goodbye party for all our friends

goodbye dinner with my best girlfriends all together [almost]

we had a very tearful goodbye with our house...

and we packed up our cats and drove from denver to mass.

since i am now not working or attending school lots of updates will be coming... but for now i am putting on love actually, wrapping gifts, and drinking champagne.

merry christmas to all!

thanks, robert ingersoll!

i was hard at work on my political philosophy paper last night, and i wanted to share this beautiful quote from robert ingersoll.

while i am opposed to all orthodox creeds, i have a creed myself; and my creed is this.  happiness is the only good.  the time to be happy is now.  the place to be happy is here.  the way to be happy is to make others so.  this creed is somewhat short, but it is long enough for this life, strong enough for this world.  if there is another world, when we get there we can make another creed.  but this creed certainly will do for this life. 

awesome.  i can't believe that i went to school to study stuff like that.

and no, i didn't finish my paper yet.  the writing stage is totally done - but it just has to be edited tomorrow before i turn it in.  then i will truly breathe my huge sigh of relief.

BIG changes coming.

so for a little while now, i've been hinting at some major news coming.  and the day is finally here where i can share it!  it's been so hard keeping this a secret for some time, but now that we have told our close family and friends i can finally share with you all our BIG secret!

the next chapter of our lives is about to start...  

we are moving to boston! 

ok, pick your jaws up from the coffee table.  i know.  it all just kind of happened over the past few weeks - but we are starting to get incredibly excited about our new adventure.  now you can see why things have been so quiet around the blog - i am not exactly known for my secret-keeping skills.  PI got an amazing job offer that would have been crazy to turn down.  so off we go - leaving our jobs and renting the house we have spent the last two and a half years turning into our home.  it is bittersweet - i love our home, our neighborhood and our family [mom] and friends [girlfriends!] here, but it's just time for something new.  and we have never been ones to turn down a new adventure.  

we are listing the house for rent because we just couldn't bear the thought of selling it.  it makes me pretty nervous, but i am trying to keep a very positive mindset - this is just our path right now and everything is going to work out lovely.  it always does.

life is just amazing.  just like eighteen months ago i wrote about how my life was going to change because i was going to make some big changes in it by going back to school.  well, school is over in exactly 35 days, so it's time for me to start the next chapter in my life after i am done.  forcing me to quit my job, leave my home, move to a new place - all just after i graduated and the election finished up.  it's a sign of something new to come and i can't wait to see what it is.

but for now, i have to go back to the poster which changed my life -

'open your mind, arms and heart to new things and people.  some opportunities only come once - seize them'

til next time...    

election day = happy day.

if you are reading this, i hope you have already voted.  if not, stop reading this, go vote, and then come back.

ok, much better.  i hate to be so negative on election day, but i'm a little frustrated.  today people are a little happier, talking about how amazing our country is because, unlike MANY other nations in the world, we still have elections that are [for the most part anyway] pretty fair, and we still have the right to vote and elect our leaders.  but up until today, i have heard and seen online many, many negative comments about the sad state of our electorate. 

they get too much political junk mail. they don't want to live in a swing state and see all political ads.  they are tired of polling questions and robocalls.  they say they aren't going to vote because they don't like either candidate, or they say they are voting for the 'lesser of two evils.'

 it drives me crazy. 

because you know what people?  this is what a democracy is.  you get those calls and you see those ads because you have a right to choose.  and i feel liek a lot of people don't know this... but if you don't like either candidate, you can actually do something about it.  vote for a third party candidate.  we have those, you know.  make your voice heard.  volunteer for a third party candidate.  sign a petition for campaign finance reform and laws against citizens united.  don't just complain.

yes, our system is not proportional representation.  but if you don't like that, guess what?  make your voice heard.  our democracy hinges on participation, and complaining doesn't count.

i can't help but wonder friends...

how different would our political culture look if people spent as much time participating and making changes as they did complaining?

all right, i'll get off my soap box now.  i just want to encourage everyone to go vote.  and if you aren't voting because you don't like the candidates or our system, then do something.  get involved, make your voice heard, and enact some change.

happy election night :) 

friday blanks!

hey all... it's that time again! 

1.  my first memory is [super good question] random flicks of our house in new york, the 'yellow house.'  the red carpet, the couch, drinking apple juice on the couch watching sesame street, my pop coming over on saturday mornings,  just little things.

2.  my first love was complicated.  we were best friends who did everything together, and he was never even my boyfriend.  but we were totally inseparable to the point where he'd climb up my balcony at night just to hang out with me.  the weird part was that it wasn't until years later that i realized i was in love with him.  but my first actual love i had who i dated was my high school/college boyfriend; we were together for five years.  we had some pretty messy times, but when i look back i realize it was all just because we were so young.  i don't know how anyone could marry their first love - you just go through so much before getting to the person you grow up to be.

3.  my very first favorite color was blue, still is!

4.  the first time i really felt like a 'grown up' was when i traveled by myself.  but ironically, it wasn't when i was living in prague and traveling then.  it was when i had moved home and i was flying out to california to meet philip's family for the first time, so i just booked my tickets and paid for them and that was it.  and i felt super grown up [despite the fact that i had been doing that for a year in europe].

5.  the first thing i do when i wake up in the morning is hit the snooze button, then check my email.

6.  the first CD i ever bought was U2's achtung baby. 

7.  my first car was a blue volkswagen jetta, the year they came out with their new body style.  i loved that car.  her name was louise and she only lasted a few short years.

tonight we are heading out to a new place to celebrate our anniversary - yesterday was our FOUR YEAR wedding anniversary!  school this weekend and then it's into a homework coma - LOTS of big projects coming up.  ugh.

happy weekend!

our wedding day

us today

letting go.

yesterday was a rough, bittersweet kind of day.

not only was it 9/11, which i know brings back nightmarish memories for people all across the globe. i know it does for me. but i buried a friend yesterday.  watching his family mourn was heartbreaking, and i know their grief is beyond words.  the service was very nice and we had the opportunity to sit and listen to his family, siblings get up and share their memories of him, which was kind of wonderful, while we all tried to grapple with the conclusion that this was really happening.  he was 26.

but as in many horrible situations, there was a glimmer of happiness.  there is a happiness, for me, in seeing so many of my classmates.  some people i didn't recognize, some people who looked just like i  remember them, which i loved.  it was so awesome to hear how well some people are doing and where their life path has taken them.

for me, high school was another life.  a lifetime ago which included many people who aren't involved in my life today.  but as i was surrounded by people that i spent an important portion of my life with, i was undoubtedly reminded of the fact that these people will never really not be a part of my life.   

i wasn't a big fan of growing up in a small town.  everyone knew eveyone's business and you couldn't go anywhere at all without seeing someone that you knew.  all i wanted to do was get out and leave the people and place behind.  and i went very far indeed, going as far as eastern europe to try to find the truth of my life.  and after years away, when my life path took me back home along with my husband, i didn't have any plans on integrating my past life with my new awesome one.  but just a few week in to being home, a good friend from high school died (yes, another one, this was 3 years ago), and i was thrust back into my high school world.  to put it lightly and briefly, i didn't handle it well.  and this time, i was actually able to enjoy my high school friends company and look back with a smile, somewhat, on my high school life.

but as i slide back from my past life into my current one, i can't help but wonder: how do we integrate  our past lives into our present one?

all these people - an old best friend i've grown apart from, a high school sweetheart, an older friend who got me through my first two years of high school, a boy who i spent a brief amount of time with but who dared to share his soul... while they may not have big parts in my life now, they will always have places in my heart.  and i am finally at a place where i can look back with a smile, and let go of past angers and heartbreaks. 

they don't all fit in to my life now, no.  but they are part of who i am, and many of them helped shape the person that i became, and i carry that with me always. 

just in time for my 10 year high school reunion.

wolves

hi all. i hate to say it, but i need to get into some personal (and depressing) stuff today.

i woke up this morning to the heartbreaking news that a friend of mine from high school passed away.  out of respect i won't go into who or how or why, but no matter the means, that is the end.

but it got me thinking about bullying and judgment of others. i've seen bullying throughout my life, as everyone else has.  and i have been in both sides of it as well.  but as we get older, bullying takes on different, more complicated and evil forms.  it's not just about making fun of someone's old used backpack, or bad haircut, or whatever kids target.  it becomes about judging people's choices and labeling them, sometimes even writing them off completely.  and the fact of the matter is that  (yes, i know this is cliche) it's impossible to know why people make some of the choices they make.  it's been a journey of life lessons as well as education that i have learned this.  it's easy to judge the homeless person on the corner, asking for money.  it's easy to pass by and not give up the other half of your sandwich or the extra $5 in your wallet.  but how did they get there?  sure, in some cases it could be bad choices - but what led them to those choices?  what past hurt or pain led them to make those choices?

everyone has as path.  i believe that the major points are laid out for you, how you get to those points are up to you. i believe there are some people who aren't meant to be a part of your journey, or perhaps just play a small part.  and those intersecting paths  may be cut off in clean. breaks or rough, jagged, painful edges.  but i guess what i am trying to say is that we should never judge someone else's path.  there are people that are only supposed to have in our lives for a short time, and after that, our paths lead in diffent directions.  they are not for us to judge, just for us to accept and move on.

that's about it for me today.  pretty much listening to this song on repeat today, so enjoy.  and please be nice.

til next time... xoxo

thought of the day...

"one day alice came to a fork in the road and saw a cheshire cat in a tree.

 

'which road to i take?' she asked.

 

'where do you want to go?' was his response.

 

'i don't know,' alice answered.

'then,' said the cat, 'it doesn't matter.'"

 

- lewis carroll

happy saturday :)

faith in fate.

it's been a rough couple days here at our house, and i needed some soul-soothing today.  today i need to know that everything is for a bigger purpose.  to trust in my fate and destiny.

i gathered a few of my favorite inspirational pins from my pinterest board, and thought i'd share.  i did it a few months ago when i needed a dose of positivity and got some good compliments.  so this is for all you out there who also need a little pick-me-up today.

faith in the journey.

you can always start again.

this one's difficult to do sometimes.

possibly my favorite one :)

no matter what.

in... and out.

can't wait to see what's ahead.

very fitting today.

shhhhh.

all will we back to normal here soon - especially because i start my weekend classes on saturday.  

til next time - please think of all those in colorado today suffering from the wildfire devastation.  if you are able to help, please go to help colorado now to donate.

10 ways i'm most like my dad

it's been a while since i've done one of my popular '10 best' lists, and i've had some requests that i start doing those again.  and what better reason to make one than father's day!  so, here i present:

the 10 best ways i am most like my father

10.  the most obvious would be my laugh.  it's loud and contagious (and kind of man-ish, which is fine for my dad but not so great for me).  i laugh at just about everything, and it's one of those room-clearing laughs where people turn around and say, 'what the hell is going on over there?'  it's fine at home, a little awkward at movies.  but i wouldn't change it for anything.

9.  my undying and borderline obsessive love for hockey & U2.  the two aren't really related, except that my dad loves them and i love them just as much (if not more).  but i grew up around both hockey and U2 and came to love them - sometimes for no other reason than my dad loves them, so i got on board.  and now those are two of my favorite things ever.

8.  i'm argumentative, which i really take to mean i stand up for what i believe in.  when my dad and i fight, it's ugly.  we are both very passionate and don't mind confrontation (or yelling), and i remember once even throwing tissues boxes at him.  but we voice our opinions and like to stand up for our ideology, even in the face of others.

7.  my passion for travel + adventure.  to be honest i never knew my dad loved this so much until the past decade or so, which was also when my love affair with travel and other cultures started.  i always wondered where i got it from, but now i know it's my dad.  we are both at home in airplanes and airports, and are at our best and happiest when going somewhere new.  i love that.

6.  we share the same respect for family, food, and traditions.  this is a big one.  whether it's our christmas eve walk down fifth ave, summers at the villa, nanny's spaghetti or midnight mass, i've learned from my dad that these are the best things in life.  especially when the three of them are together :)  dad & i even took at as far as taking the same picture every year during our christmas eve walk every year, just because it's tradition. 

trump tower, christmas eve 2008

trump tower, christmas eve 2007

5.  love for the water and the beach.  we aren't really camping people.  but give us a blanket, corona, italian ice and the waves - and we're just as at home as we would be in a nice loft.

4.  it's not how many times you fall down, but whether or not you get back up.  i can't even say how many times my dad said this to my brother and i growing up, and it's always stuck with me.  my dad as fallen down.  but i am proud of him because of the person he is and the person he continues to be, no matter what happens.  i try to do the same thing - for example, finishing school now that i am 27 just because it doesn't matter how long it takes me, so long as i finish it. 

3.  love for entertaining.  seriously, my dad is such a great host.  no one's glass is empty, the music is never quiet, and everyone's always laughing.  i love being the hostess too, and i like to think i'm pretty good at it.

2.  we're democrats.  i come from a long line of democrats on my dad's side of the family.  enough said. 

1. my sense of humor.  there are some movies that my mom calls 'drew movies' because they have an off-beat sense of humor (i.e. the royal tenenbaums) that my dad and i share. 

happy father's day to my most amazing dad :)